were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
