dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
