you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
