I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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