But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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