you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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