I think scott just propositioned me for sex
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
