Jerry, you need to find god
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
