I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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