I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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