and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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