I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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