Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
