I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
