I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
