She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
