Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize