Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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