someone owes me an orgasm
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
