the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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