Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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