just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
