they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
