I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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