This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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