I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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