so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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