It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
