I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
