so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
