1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
