im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
