Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
