She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh god it's open bar.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize