I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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