If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
