Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
TouchΓ© sir
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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