I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
