I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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