I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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