WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
