If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
