Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
