spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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