You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
