Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
