How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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