I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
