I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
