I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize