I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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