Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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