Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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