grandma shit on top of the toilet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
