OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
