soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Green mimosas i think yes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
