lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
