The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
