I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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