I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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