This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Randomize
