I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize