she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
