Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
