I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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