he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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