the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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