I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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