I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The power of my boobs compel you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
